At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Randomize
