I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
He felt like a one man threesome
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
