You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
