he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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