My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize