Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
