omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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