my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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