i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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