OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
is that a dick in a sweater?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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