Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Terrible idea I love it
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize