I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
