He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
