I cockslap morals
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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