Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
