video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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