i already hear my dad disowning me
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
