I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Randomize
