New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
