First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
