don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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