I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
