just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Randomize
