So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
