I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize