Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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