Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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