how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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