better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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