"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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