you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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