I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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