32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
