They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
