I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
As shirtless as possible
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
