giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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