My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
