Three words: puerto rican gang bang
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
you will always have a special place in my vag
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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