I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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