my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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