So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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