she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
