so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
