you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
And the cops told us we were all naked.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Randomize
