It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I supernannyed him into submission
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
