we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
