he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
