I accidentally had phone sex last night
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
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I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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