dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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