Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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