The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
