Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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