They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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