i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
