dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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