That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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