My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
40s are totally the cure
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
