nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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