i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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