My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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