You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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