PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
