My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
