What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
