He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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