can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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