I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Vodka?
Forever.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
