Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
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