It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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