I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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