I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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