I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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