I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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