i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
